Respectful Weaning

Our last space is dedicated precisely to weaning, but respectfully. It is a way of saying goodbye to a period of nurturing, love, and bonding between mother/child.

Although there are cases in which the child decides to stop breastfeeding, it is usually the mother who makes the decision. In these cases, the first advice we have is that it should not be something that is done immediately. Communicating with your child is essential; even if they're small, they understand that what has been their comfort and nourishment is going away, so it is crucial that it is done gradually.

If we could summarize the actions in one sentence, it would be: "The breast is no longer offered, but not denied." That is to say, the mother stops offering the breast (which, let's face it, the breast ends up being an ally for almost everything) but establishes and communicates to the child the conditions under which it can be consumed::

• - Schedules (e.g.: only for sleeping)
• - Special situations (e.g.: in case of a severe fright)
• - Places (e.g.: only at home)
• - By specific time (e.g.: no more than 10 minutes)

It is up to you to establish the new breastfeeding rules, so it will eventually be no longer necessary.

It is very important to tell you that, while this weaning process begins and until it ends, there must be alternatives to reorient the mother/child bond, so that your baby does not feel rejected in any way since breastfeeding brings with it the development of very close contact, for example, many children accept ceasing breastfeeding as long as they are still allowed to touch or "tune in" to their mother's breast (i.e. touching the nipple with their fingers as if it were a radio station) these would be the types of agreements to seek to establish in which both parties feel comfortable.

What would be valid reasons for weaning?

If should be your choice.

The first and most important is because you or your baby decide to do it, even if everything indicates that you can do it and the benefits that we have already mentioned at other times, if it is simply something that does not fill you or makes you feel uncomfortable, it is not mandatory that you do it.

In the world of motherhood there are many conditions that make us feel guilty, so the first point to consider is to validate and respect your desire.

Pain

In other sections, we have talked about the fact that pain is not normal when breastfeeding, and although there may be counseling to correct the latch, many mothers have reported that this does not seem to be enough or, as time goes by and the child is older, it becomes painful or uncomfortable. These are situations that can happen, for various reasons, if, in the end, it has been analyzed and you do not want to continue, it is definitely not about making a daily activity torturous.

There is also a hormonal connection between the suction process and the fibers of the uterus, which, although they are typically disconnected, there are times when they are related so that the suction can lead to painful contractions or vaginal bleeding. Obviously, this point has to be validated by a pro-breastfeeding medical specialist.

Health

In general, options are sought for medical treatments compatible with breastfeeding, but it is not always possible to find them. Certain conditions and medications are incompatible with breastfeeding, and in this case, logic must prevail to maintain the health of the mother/child above anything else. The best thing to do is to validate and explore the possible options according to the circumstances, with the support of a pro-breastfeeding medical specialist.

How do I manage weaning?

As we have already mentioned, part of the recommendations for the management of weaning is to do it gradually; this is also due to the physiological changes that it implies for the mother's body.

Depending on the moment you decide to wean, your breast may already be "trained" to produce milk at the moment it feels the suction. There is less risk of presenting problems of mastitis, breast engorgement, or milk pearls compared to a shorter breastfeeding path where the breasts still feel "hard and full" if the baby does not come to empty them, and there is a risk of the ailments mentioned above.

In both cases, the issue of gradualness follows the golden rule of breastfeeding applied inversely, i.e., if "the more suckling, the more production," for weaning, we have to use "the less suckling, the less production." If gradual weaning is not possible, our recommendation is to manage cycles of extractions so that they unblock the breast sufficiently but do not stimulate more production, that is, do not reach the point of emptying them, take out what is necessary to avoid discomfort. By reducing the baby's feedings, we can register the changes in the mother's body with a gradually decreasing production without taking medication to suspend production.

Do not panic if, even after a long time, you squeeze your breasts and continue to excrete milk; your breasts may be dormant for production for an extended period, which is very variable from woman to woman; it could even be months.

What would be the warning signs that something is not right?

Basically those that let you know that you may be developing an obstructive disease, such as::

• - Breast lumps or masses
• - Fever
• - Red, hot, hard or sore breasts that are not relieved by milk extraction,
• - Abnormal discharge from the breasts

You can go to our section on "Conditions during breastfeeding" to know what to do in each case, and above all, seek your doctor's help.

General tips for respectful weaning

In addition to what we have discussed in this part, we leave you with these general tips:

• - If possible, encourage weaning while respecting the ideal breastfeeding times, at least after one year of age and ideally after two years of age. If your baby is older, already a toddler, he/she may understand better when you explain the reasons than if the breast is withdrawn from a baby of months.
• - Following the "Don't offer, don't refuse" rule, try to have alternative strategies to avoid having to "refuse" the breast: Identify when your child asks for the breast and try to anticipate with other types of activities.
• - Start gradually reducing feedings during the day until you can eliminate them, and leave night feedings (usually the most difficult to stop) for the end. You can use the concepts of "day and night" to clarify when the breast is ready to feed and when it is not.
• - Compensate with more attention, affection, and love for your child when you eliminate breastfeeding.
• - When you start the process, try to do it at a time of relative tranquility, as they can be times of great stress; we recommend that it is on vacation and that you can rest from these periods of tension.
• - It takes a lot of patience, positive energy, and love; understand that it can be a traumatic and frustrating process for your child and you. Trust your instincts. Remember that if it becomes too complicated at one point, you can back out if you don't feel it's the right thing to do.
• - Team up with your partner so you can do the weaning, especially nighttime weaning, where your child can have their sleep routine with their other attachment figure and take you out of the equation.
• - If you like the idea, you can make a simple dynamic of farewell to the breast so that you and your child can say goodbye to this stage that you lived together.